I was at Dana Farber Cancer Institute again today. I was supposed to start the “study” that I mentioned in the previous post. It got delayed for two weeks because they forgot to tell me to stop taking my current medications. So after weening myself off the steroids and stopping the main cancer drug, I started the study today. I am officially a guinea pig. One out of only sixty-six men in the study nationwide. The study is a collaboration between John Hopkins and the Department of Defense. I am in group B. The protocol for my group is that they will inject me with testosterone today and again in thirty days. After that they pause the testosterone shots and switch me to taking a different prostate cancer drug for another sixty days. Then I start all over again from the beginning. The testosterone is the food or fuel for the cancer. My cancer will become active, my PSA will rise. Then after sixty days the prostate cancer drug will go to work on the active cancer. This is all theory based on laboratory studies with mice, prostate cancer cells and microscopes – and they’ve seen cancer cells die. This is a first, not including the Pluvicto treatment which was approved a few years ago. Two weeks ago I had a full day of tests – bone scan, CAT scan, EKG and blood tests. This creates a base line of what me and my cancer look like. These will be compared to ongoing tests and scans to see the results of the study.
Right up front here I’d like to give a shout out to Dana Farber Cancer Institute. My experience there so far has been five-stars. All the employees I deal with seem very happy. They are all very professional and friendly. When I’m in one appointment having a test or scan, the employee knows where I’ve been earlier in the day and knows what I have left for that day. Everything moves along smoothly and on time. The professionalism is head and shoulders above what I’ve experienced at our community cancer center.
Today I found myself in an exam office with three of the staff, a PA, an RN and a study support person. The PA introduced herself and wanted to know all about my travels. I guess it’s in my files somewhere. The RN formally introduced herself. She’s my point person at DFCI. I have her phone number and can call her directly anytime. I’ve spoken with her many times over the past few months and she always gets back to me within twenty four hours or so. No more voice mail hell. We talked at length about all details of the study, making sure we were all on the same page. Drugs, injections, interactions, appointments, scans, side effects and more. I had them laughing a few times with my humor. The visit with them really lifted my spirits and I think I made their day too. I try to make the most out of being at DFCI. I also try and talk to other patients in the genitourinary department when time allows. I’ve struck up conversations with a few fellow patients over the past few months. Nobody wants to be there, but everyone believes they are in the best hands.
At some point this cancer is destined to produce pain, specifically in my bones. A constant deep, hollow pain. At least that’s what the experts tell me. Right now I don’t have any real pain. But I must assume that it’s on the way. Or is it? We will see. There are three evaluations we can make when we’re experiencing pain or anything else for that matter. The experience or feeling of pain can be pleasant, unpleasant or neutral. Using our meditation training and practice we see where those evaluations arise from. We can also see that pain, like everything else manifest, is impermanent. It will not last forever. If we find it unpleasant, chances are we will suffer. If we find it neutral we may have an easier time with it. If we can detach our mind from the pain and our evaluation of it we may be able to be free from suffering. It can be like that for everything we encounter in life. It sounds simplistic, but it is the truth. It does not come easy. It takes dedication and hard work. It is all about understanding our mind, ourselves, and seeing things as they truly are. Meditation has been an important part of this time in my life and I wouldn’t want to experience this cancer journey without it.
Stay well. I’ll be back soon. Promise.
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Which Country From? 
Sometimes I ask myself, “What would David do?” And the answer is always the same – “Let Go. Whatever comes, comes… whatever goes, goes….” No an easy practice for sure but the only one that makes sense. Namaslay bro.
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